Story By Carol Daly
There is a story of a man who brought home to his wife one of the first mirrors made of bronze. When his wife looked into the mirror she exclaimed angrily to him “Who is that woman you brought home?” Such is the expression that our eyebrows are often too close for us to see them. It’s difficult to recognize our own reflection or traits favorable or unattractive but easy to see the good and the flaws in the lives of others.
Centuries ago when the world was a simpler place, people seemed to be aware of their relationship and interdependence with each other. Perhaps they had more empathy for their friends, neighbors and those they may not have even known. News would travel of someone having an accident in some other town and everyone would spontaneously send help, food and whatever was needed as if the incident had happened to them. Standing in someone else’s shoes and feeling empathy for another’s pain was a part of the lifestyle.
You can of course see this kind of love, compassion and interconnectedness in people, families, cultures and places but not overall as a world culture. Today, technology has brought incredible inventions and fast communication but has also made it easier to for people to isolate from others with a false sense of security and lacking in genuine interaction and dialog. Where we once understood and lived as an interdependent society, today we have become fragmented and have not kept up our inner growth as human beings with the fierce and unprecedented advancements of technology.
Despite the reality of the times, if we believe we are connected to others and the same inside then as the song goes “We can remember that deep down inside we all need the same things” (We Can Be Kind by David Friedman) we can begin to recognize the pain others are feeling and embrace it as pain that we have felt, as part of our life. I am at once humbled at this reality that I have come to believe through my own spiritual practice and realize there is much work to be done on a personal and community level.
On the one hand it is a relief knowing we are the same inside and equal and share the privilege of being human. Then, in some way, the people around us, including those we have conflict with, reflect some aspect of how we were, are or want to be. This can be liberating when we see a favorable reflection and disagreeable, uncomfortable and downright painful when the reflection is of some aspect of ourselves where we are in need of transformation. I have found that I have to be willing to deeply change myself first and then I create room for this kind of self reflection, compassion and empathy.
I believe that every situation and person in my life is a teacher for me, mirroring some aspect of my life. If I am open to it, I can bring out my very best in the very worst of circumstances and become a better person for it. In the Buddhism of the Lotus Sutra, Shakyamuni’s highest teaching, the beautiful white lotus flower blooms purely and proudly only in the muddy pond. It does not bloom in a blue clear swimming pool. The muddy pond is nothing other than our daily lives that include the lives of others. And so, each time I grapple with a situation or problem or person head on, I create a beautiful lotus flower.
When I look back at the times I have grown the most it has never been in an easy time but always during times of challenge, confusion, difficulty or loss in my own life or in the life of someone else. Through persevering with all people and in all situations I expand my state of life and gain confidence, patience, self respect and always a victory.
