By Carol Daly
While flipping through the TV channels last night in search of a relaxing bit of good drama or entertainment, I came across the move “My One True Thing”. I remember seeing it when it came out ten years ago with its all star cast but had forgotten the details and so began watching the last half hour. Mother-daughter-father triangle, and fatal illness story. Meryl Streep plays the mother, slowly and painfully dying of cancer. She was a Supermom and well loved in her family and community. Bill Hurt, the husband finds it unbearable to part with his wife who lit up and was the love of his life for many years. Rene Zellweger is the dutiful daughter attending to her mother’s care and comfort knowing the end is coming. When asked by her mother to “help her “ in essence to help her take her life, Rene empties out a vessel of morphine pills and begins tearfully and slowly crushing them only to break down and ultimately unable to go through with it.
One quiet night mother and daughter exchange words of mutual love that were left unspoken for both of their lifetimes. It’s poignant and soon after Meryl’s eyes close gently for the last time. Bill Hurt comes down stairs in the morning and at one glance realizes that she has died. He appears shocked, relieved and filled with sadness. Everything seems to stop. The autopsy shows an overdose of morphine. Rene is questioned by authorities and all the while believes her father had been the one to “help” her mother die. In the end we find out that Meryl carried out this act herself. One could surmise the movie implies that Meryl committed an act of courage, of self mercy in saving herself from the painful last days of misery. The movie ends with father and daughter planting tulips at the gravesite.
All the while watching this movie I am thinking of the loss of a life-long friend who one year ago died of cancer. Rather than judging the ending above I kept asking myself, what is courage at the time of death? How can we create value from what might appear to be tragic circumstances? My friend Angelita practiced Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism for over 30 years. Based on chanting the mantra and title of the Lotus Sutra, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, one is able to create indestructible happiness in the inner and unlimited realm of life. Her story is very different from the move above.
Upon the discovery of the cancer at age 48, Angelita was in shock, childlike, fragile and seemed unable to take in the seriousness of the diagnosis of a 4th stage cancer. Over a two year period with many friends and family supporting and chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with her, Angelita seemed to morph into a warrior able to summon forth strength and power to fight her own cancer and to inspire, love and unite those around her. There were many times when she was completely overwhelmed , but based on her strong prayer, determination and courage to live, she seemed to heal so many of the wounds she carried throughout her life. It was as if the cancer were a kind of strong medicine for her and so she changed poison into medicine. She repeatedly weathered the disappointing news of the cancer growing and spreading to her liver many times over and continued to fight determined not to be defeated in life or death.
One rainy day about a week before she passed, I went to hospital in quite a state knowing that her recovery was not in sight. I stayed with her for many hours holding her hand and we both apologized for things we’d said and done over the years. She was in terrible agony and I was it all right there in front of me. I will never forget during one of those excruciating moment s when she turned to me and said “I’m not going to give up so easily, I’m going to fight”. A few minutes later later her husband walked in and I could see and feel the enormous love and respect between them. She smiled – he smiled. She was taken home and always wanted to hear her friends chanting around her as often as possible. She gave encouragement and in some cases instruction to her friends by saying “Do you love me? Well if you do please take care of your health!” and so forth and so on.
One week later surrounded by a crowd of family and friends, with a huge smile on her face, she passed away to the sound she loved the most, the sound that carried her courageously to the next voyage though death into life, Nam Myoho Renge Kyo.
I believe when a person dies they pass along the gift of who they were and what they learned to us if we are ready and open to receive it. All of the walls come down and nothing is hidden. And so, seeing the movie and remembering Angelita, I pondered on the question of life and death, facing one’s death with courage, dignity and meaning. And when I look at the $10 framed portrait of a Panamanian woman that I bought at the airport after visiting Angelita there in the midst of the torrent of her illness I always remember her courage, that rainy day in the hospital and I muster the courage to keep fighting and never be defeated.
