By Lida Prypchan
Nothing gets more on your nerves than women who believe they’re irresistible and men who think they’re just the greatest. (A highly intelligent person)
“Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, I am your new professor of Parapsychology. I have made a great study of people’s personal secrets and have reached the conclusion that nobody has more secrets than I (laughs). I’m sorry, but I picked up this facetious way of speaking when I was in Bulgaria doing my post grad, course with honors, and without permission, from that brilliant professor and indeed great friend of mine, van Musschenbroek, the doctor of Enrolled Paraphysics who invented the bottle game and other brilliant things you’d find hard to understand. Before continuing I should tell you my name, which you may have heard already; it’s Yoco Yokohama Yucukani. I’m not from some other country. I’m from here. My name often causes confusion. What happened is that my mother met my father by the Yoco river in Venezuela; then, after they were married, they spent their honeymoon in Yokohama, the main port of Japan; then they went to Peru, where my mother gave birth to me up on Yucumani volcano. I began my experimental studies at a very early age and even carried out some prenatal studies while still in the womb. Since I was conscious of my potential and was getting really bored, while I was there I measured percentages of amniotic fluid loss, maternal weight gain, absorption of medicines through the placental membrane, my mother’s placenta type and even communicated with her by telepathy. She told me I was born in the thinker’s position. I emerged laughing hysterically and told her, ‘Ma, with something as simple as childbirth and with all those psychoprophylactic methods, how come it took you so long? I was bored and wanted to jot down a thought – all you had to do was push me out; please, don’t attempt to take up my time, I have big things to do. Besides, you should have consulted me first to find out whether I wanted to be born on a day like today – remember, my destiny is to become a part of history.’ My mother, sad to say, died of cancer. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time for me to research the cause of that disease”.
“My father died, too. To tell the truth I don’t remember from what – please don’t think that’s through any fault of mine. No, it’s just that my brain has so much to think about that I’ve lost virtually all memories of the past and I think of recent times, too.”
After a while the students decided to ask him to resign because he couldn’t teach and they couldn’t understand him, anyway, because he was so pretentious. The professor heard them out, laughed long, then answered, “Listen to me well, ladies and gentlemen. You don’t know a quarter of a half of three eighths of what I know. After addition was invented, I was the first to dare advance the theory that two plus two is four. Now that’s something really worthwhile! I solved the first set of equations, and I’m not even a mathematician, and in the field of Parapsychology I have a Masters in cigar reading, foot and palm reading card reading, photo reading and thought transmission.”
His wife, Nataly, had only one topic of conversation – well, maybe two: one, Yoco; and two, how irrestible she was. When she talked about Yoco she said, “Yoco’s so clever. He can swim, play tennis, break-dance, sing like Wilfrido Vargas; he just recently bought himself a telescope and discovered black holes; he can speak Papiamento backwards, communicate with the dead and laugh at the living; he dines with intellectuals, plays with children, skis on his feet, paints at a distance, is doing a correspondence course in haute couture and talks incessantly. It’s hardly surprising he chose me,”said Nataly. “He always told me I was irresistible – just a bit difficult to put up with.”
